TOOLKIT: The Problem with "Deadnaming" and Misgendering

Language mini-series part three

Ask this question: “Imagine being continually forced to revisit a painful past identity that you've fought tirelessly to overcome—how would you feel if others refused to acknowledge your true self?

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For many trans and non-binary people, affirming their identity means more than changing their appearance or legal documents—it also means shedding names and pronouns that no longer reflect who they are. Yet even in settings where dignity and respect should be the norm—workplaces, healthcare, schools, or families—trans individuals are often subjected to deadnaming (being called by a name they no longer use) and misgendering (being referred to with incorrect pronouns or gendered language). These aren’t harmless mistakes. They cause real emotional harm, signal disrespect, and can undermine a person’s safety and sense of belonging.

What Is Deadnaming?

Deadnaming refers to using the birth or former name of a trans person without their consent, especially after they’ve chosen a new name that aligns with their gender identity. The term “deadname” captures how deeply personal and painful this experience can be. It implies that the old name is tied to a version of the person that no longer exists—or that they have chosen to leave behind for their own well-being.

For some, their deadname is a reminder of trauma, dysphoria, or times when they were not accepted as themselves. Intentionally using someone’s deadname can feel like an erasure of identity—like being told, “I don’t see you for who you really are.”

What Is Misgendering?

Misgendering is the act of referring to someone using incorrect pronouns or gendered terms. This could mean calling a woman "he," using the wrong honorific (like "Mr." instead of "Ms."), or persistently referring to a non-binary person as "she" or "he" despite their use of "they" pronouns.

Even when unintentional, misgendering can be jarring. It disrupts a person’s sense of self and can make them feel invisible or unsafe. When it happens repeatedly, especially in institutional settings, it contributes to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and discrimination.

Why Intent Isn’t Everything

It's natural to make mistakes—especially when adjusting to new names or pronouns. Most people don't intend to hurt others, and that's important to acknowledge. Still, even unintentional actions can have an impact. Think of it like accidentally stepping on someone’s foot: you didn’t mean to, but it still makes sense to apologize and be more careful next time.

Making the effort to use someone’s correct name and pronouns is a simple yet powerful way to show care and respect. It communicates: I see you. I affirm who you are. I want you to feel safe and valued.

The Real-World Impact

Studies show that affirming a trans person’s name and pronouns dramatically improves mental health outcomes. One study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that trans youth who were consistently addressed by their chosen name had 71% fewer symptoms of severe depression and a 65% decrease in suicidal thoughts.

Conversely, environments where misgendering and deadnaming are common can lead to chronic stress, lower self-esteem, and increased risk of mental health struggles. This harm extends beyond individuals—it reflects on the broader community’s commitment to dignity and equality.

For Allies: What You Can Do

• Ask and remember: If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns or name, it’s okay to ask—once. Then do your best to use them consistently.
  

• Apologize and move on: If you make a mistake, briefly apologize and correct yourself without making it about your guilt.
  

• Speak up: If you witness someone being deadnamed or misgendered, gently correct the speaker when appropriate. Silence can signal complicity.
  

• Respect privacy: Never out someone by using their former name or discussing their transition without consent.
  

Why This Matters

At its core, this issue is about more than names and pronouns—it’s about the right to be seen, respected, and safe. Everyone deserves that.

Using someone’s correct name and pronouns costs nothing. But to the person on the receiving end, it can mean everything.