TOOLKIT: How to Talk About Gender Diversity with Children
Ask this question: “Imagine being a child who doesn’t feel like the gender everyone says you are—what would it mean to have the people you trust most listen, believe you, and support you just as you are?”
Why It Matters
Children start forming ideas about gender at a very young age. When conversations about gender are open, inclusive, and affirming, kids feel safer being themselves—and more accepting of others. Talking about gender diversity isn’t about confusing children; it’s about helping them understand that people are different and that those differences deserve respect and kindness.
Ways to Talk About Gender Diversity with Children
Use simple, age-appropriate language.
For young children, you might say, “Some people are boys, some are girls, and some people are a bit of both or neither. And that’s all okay.” As they get older, you can introduce more specific terms like “transgender,” “non-binary,” or “genderfluid.”
Read inclusive books together.
Books are a wonderful way to introduce new ideas. Look for children’s books that feature diverse characters and gently explore themes of gender identity. Examples include Julian is a Mermaid by Jessica Love, They She He Me: Free to Be! by Maya and Matthew Gonzalez, or It Feels Good to Be Yourself by Theresa Thorn.
Answer questions honestly, without shame.
Kids are naturally curious. If they ask what “trans” means or why someone dresses differently, give honest but straightforward answers. Avoid scolding or changing the subject—it teaches kids that gender diversity is something to be hidden or feared.
Model inclusive language and behaviour.
Use gender-neutral language when appropriate, like “friends” instead of “boys and girls.” Normalize the idea that toys, clothes, and activities aren't restricted by gender. When kids see adults treating people with respect and care, they’ll learn to do the same.
Affirm every child’s identity.
If a child tells you they feel different from what others expect—listen. Reflect their language, validate their feelings, and support them in expressing who they are. Being believed and accepted can make a lasting difference in a child’s well-being.
Create an open environment.
Let kids know that it’s okay to ask questions and share their thoughts about gender. You don’t need to have all the answers—what matters most is showing that you’re a safe person to talk to.
Address stereotypes when they arise.
If a child says, “Only boys can be firefighters,” gently challenge it with questions like, “Do you think girls can be firefighters too?” or share real-life examples. These moments are valuable learning opportunities.
Tips for Caregivers and Educators
Support diverse representation in books, media, and classroom materials.
Include gender diversity in lessons about kindness, fairness, and respecting differences.
Be proactive in addressing bullying or exclusion related to gender expression.
Encourage schools and organizations to adopt inclusive practices and policies.
Final Thoughts
Talking with kids about gender diversity isn’t about pushing an agenda—it’s about teaching empathy, inclusion, and love. When children are taught to value people for who they are, they grow up into adults who help create a more just and affirming world for everyone.